How to just…be?

photo taken of my sweet boy, Red, on my patio, in a moment of just "being" <3

These past few months have been filled with introspection and quiet. This is the longest I have been away from social media since its inception. I left platforms that I had built so much of my identity, and community on, and instead I have found that the sky didn’t fall. But instead, I learned that my soul feels lighter.

And in this time of reflection, I realized that this Emily Project I’m pursuing, where I’m focusing on anything that brings me joy without question or judgement, well, it has many, deep layers.

One of them came to me the other day, as I was reading through Worthy, by Jamie Kern Lima.

Not only did I learn that my self-worth is basically non existent (oh great, add that to my never-ending list of things to work on…), but I learned that I’ve spent the majority of my life basing happiness, success, self-worth, confidence, etc on how much I am DOING. So that when I need a break, I immediately feel guilty for doing so.

Enter the inner critic: “Successful people don’t need to stop.”

“I bet <insert name of person you admire> doesn’t have to step back from her business like this.”

“No wonder you’ve never reached your financial goals, you don’t DO ENOUGH.”

Sound familiar?

Is it any wonder pausing my business has left me feeling so empty at times? I established an entire identity on DOING and ACCOMPLISHING which left no room for something that everyone needs in life: rest.

Acknowledging this has been jaw-dropping. But now that I have this knowledge, what do I do with it?

Ultimately, I’ve set myself up for this. Creating an identity out of doing things was bound to fail at some point. But how do I correct this? How do I work towards a place that can allow myself to soften and rest and JUST BE? Without my inner critic raging at me as if I’ve just committed a murder?

And now we’ve come full circle back to the Emily Project.

It’s incredible how everything is so connected. The earth. Our bodies. Our minds. Our healing. It’s all connected.

So now that I know better, it’s time to do better.

But again, how?

I’ve decided to just embrace small moments of “being.”

When I’m sipping coffee in the morning and the birds are chirping while the breeze blows slightly across my patio. Instead of telling myself to “hurry up, I have things to do,” I’m going to allow myself to simply be in the moment until I feel fulfilled in it.

Has it been easy? No. But it’s feeling easier. Honestly the simple act of acknowledging that this was something I created in my life has given me the

freedom to change it.

The beautiful thing about realizing that you’ve created your own misery, in a manner of speaking, is that you can un-create that misery and turn it into bliss any time you want. Sometimes as women, we put all this pressure on ourselves that we believe is put on us by others or society, when in reality, we are the ones keeping ourselves in those cages. The patriarchy may start the process, but sometimes we perpetuate it unknowingly.

That might be triggering to read. It triggered me at first. But realizing that we are the ones responsible for our happiness, joy and success is actually the best way to release ourselves from the bonds of these chains. Taking radical responsibility for our lives is incredibly empowering. Maybe reading this will save you a few years of keeping yourself in this bondage. It’s time to take our power back, goddesses!

So, tell me, what are some small ways that you can just be today?